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So really, instead of trying to study for my midterms tomorrow, I've decided to blog.. why? Lots of things have been on my mind lately.. just wanted to get em down on... i don't know. I was going to say paper but this ain't it.

Recently obessed with ABDC more specifically Ryan and Dtrix. Cute boys, SICK hair. I was lookin through google for some sick screen pics of some of them dancing when I came across one of Ryans.. blog-of-sorts. In it he lists all the things about him good and bad. I felt like I should do the same. Why? I'm kinda hoping that it would work as a wake up call to change my ways. I know things about me that I should change. I just can't seem to do so. Lack of motivation.. lack of trying.. lack of alot of things. So I'm going to list them out and hope that everytime I look at this list, I'll have the motivation to do something about it.

I want to be a better christian.
I sin alot everyday.
I have been taken advantage of too many times.
I want to cut down my swearing because it's been ridiculous. I've tried to stop but its hard. I sound like a herion addict...
I find it hard to trust people because of so many betrayals in the past.
Sometimes I feel like it's hard to trust myself sometimes.
I always feel the greatest motivation when I set out to prove someone wrong.
I tend to forget this over time so it's always good to remind me.
When I want to escape from the world, blasting music on my headphones is what I do.
I feel like I forgive to easy.
I never forget if I forgive.
I hold grudges too often and don't like letting them go.
I want to be a better person
I want to have a reason.
I want to look back at my life 10 years from now and be proud of something that I did.
I feel like I'm chronically depressed even though I might not seem like it.
I try to have a smile on my face no matter where I go or how fake it seems.
Some days I just want to be in my bed and not do anything.
These days are becoming very frequent.
In my opinion, only a few people love me truly.
I have very low self-esteem.
I don't believe in myself in anyway.
I hold high standards of myself.
I don't do anything to try and achieve them.
I feel like I'm always a constant disappoint to everyone.
I believe that it is wrong to cheat.
I can't imagine doing that to anyone.
I have loved.
I haven't lost.
I try to avoid taking the easy way out.
I always say that I wan't to do something but I don't.
It's hard to let people in.
When I feel strongly for someone, I don't like to hide it.
I thoroughly enjoy PDA - to an extent.
When I fall, I fall hard and its hard for me to let go.
I feel like if my grandpa ever died, most of me would die with him.
I wished I was a dancer.
I tend to fantasize about my life often because I am not satisfied with where I am.
I don't know where I'm heading in life.
Some days I just want someone to hug and tell me it's going to be okay.
If I mad at you, watch it.
I like my naps.
If you wake me up from one, you better have a good reason.
I find that people who are inconsiderate really deserve to learn a good lesson.
I've hated few, dislike many.
I am fiercely protective to what is mine.
I get jealous easily.
I flirt too much and tend to send people wrong signals.

I wan't to be an animal training.
I want to make a difference in people's lives.
I want to lie down and look at stars.
I want to kiss and dance in the rain.

I love listening to songs with a sick beat.
I love chick flicks.
I love food.
I love chocolate.
I love clothes.
I love shoes.
I love my family.
I love animals.
I love the simple things in life.
I am so done with you. I can't keep on talking to a wall. There's zero communication. What happened to being best friends? What happened to you?!

At this point I don't even care anymore. You're finished. There's nothing left for you to damage. Because I am done being anything with you. Best friends.. friends.. aquaintances maybe? Doubt it. I'm probably not even a blip on your radar anymore since I don't give you ass. So you know what? Don't worry, you don't have to force yourself to be friends with me.  I'm over that.

Don't kid yourself. You aren't that important.

You aren't anything at all.

Congratulations.. you've morphed from jackass to a full-fledged donkey. Good luck with your life. I'm sure you'll get plenty of ass now.
sooo in class currently. this is dumb.  so in order to pass the time im going to tell you 25 things people dont really know about me.

1. this has been on my mind for a while but i'm really tempted to transfer to U of T. Why? because that way i actually go to school. i always hate it when i over sleep or im just not in the mood to go to class.. it sucks.

2. i've just discovered, im a hopeless romantic. yay for me. sappy happy endings make me happy. i've always wanted my life to be like a fantasy tale. EPIC FAIL.

3. I feel like sucha hugeee nerd cuz i know the terms 1337 and pwned.. and etc.

4.   fanfiction helps me settle the romantic in me. im a hugeeee bookworm and reading fanfic is better than rewatching sappy movies.

5. some days i feel like i should be a teacher instead of planning to be a physiotherapist

6. i always feel like i should be a better christian. i always want to be i just never seem to BE.

7. i've been wanting to be bapisted since last year

8. i despise the place im going to live at next year.

9. my dream job right now would be interviewing famous people. cuz i get to meet them.

10. i used to be the hugest tom boy EVER. i wore my brothers clothes all the time. and i had shortish hair. and i STILL managed to get boyfirends. booo ya :D

11. chocolate is my life. nuff said.

12. i once had a goldfish.. and i killed it cuz i fed it too much food. my family also had a turtle and that also died.. we flushed him down the toilet.

13. i used to have an asian avenue page. xxazn-babixx. i know right? and then proceeded to make another one.. i dont remember what it was.. and then  1ntrosp3ct1on. LOl.

14. i got my first email wen i was 13. yahoo was sickkk.

15. i had my first real crush during summer camp after grade 6. it was a church summer camp and he let me wear his $300 sunglasses. and he was hot. now? hes a girl. really! long hair.. pink and black nail polish.. wore a skirt?! like what happens after you go to albert campbell highschool? =D

16. i got in trouble for saying jackass wen i was younger. and i mean like... grade 4 young. LOl. oops. =D

17. i failed chinese school. horribly. they used to make me read the passages and i would write english pronouciations above the charaacters. =D and then my mom eventually let me stop going. HA HA.

18. im going to go slide down one of those waterfall things. definately.

19. im hungry. ALL THE TIME. it makes me feel like a phatty. but i eat. and i usually never feel full. if it wasnt for the fact that i swam, i would be a HUGE fatass. (this makes me very insecure all the time because i eat twice as much as the normal girl)

20. adter jonah, i think i might be up to childern one day.. maybe 2. boy and girl. =D

21. my mother refused to let me do a victory lap. either it was failing gr. 12 or university. ggreeeatttt. except she wouldnt let me go to york. which turns out was a good choice.

22. ive never had a real job. the only job ive done was working at the swim camp and i got paid to do nothing.

23. blood and other  bolidly fluids freaks me out. like no other.. and i get all numbed and i loose my grip.. etc.etc. freaky. oh and puke? no. bad. if i hear it/smell it/ see it? not good. bad things happen.

24. i plan to visit ALL the disneyworlds/lands. i loveeeee amusement parks. theyre bombb!

25. i want to travel and backpack and etc. except, that probably would never happen. but i would totally love to.

congratulations. 25 things you did or did not know about me. =D

Because I was Told To...

What a loser. I can't believe I'm opening yet another blog. Eh, good way to vent, not going to lie. Still annoying though. Whoever made me do this is a loser =P Just kidding, you know I love you.

This week has been HORRIBLE. Ugh.

Saturday: Swim Meet
Sunday: Swim meet, EXBoyfriend, Slept at fucking 3 am, dealing with a friend's abusive boyfriend
Monday: Hole in my sweater, Feel like Shit, Nauscous the whole day, got  2 good phone calls tho
Tuesday: tired, annoying people, left my glasses case in the classroom, BRIGHTSIDE: found out the whole floor thinks I'm Hot?!
Wednesday: found out grandpa fell in a grocery store, got my period, UGH

swim meet on saturday in fucking BROCK. can't go back for chinese new year...

IM GOING TO GET FUCKING SO HAMMERED ON SATURDAY. just to make up for all the shittiness thats been going on.

I need chocolate... =D Keeps the PMS at bay.



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